School and Jam

This last couple of years in the public school system have been difficult. Little Mr. is- without a doubt- a cool kid. I'm not just a biased mother (though I certainly am a biased mother!) Everyone from daycare providers to random people at the store have told us that Little Mr. has a unique, sensitive nature. He is kind with other children and respectful and willing to engage with adults, he is thoughtful and sensitive which definitely can have it's downsides, but mostly is amazing. This is the kid that will stop and pick his sister up off the ground and dust off her shirt, saying "It's okay, Little Miss, you're gonna be okay, because you are brave".

And maybe everyone's son does that. But... my son also has a hard time focusing at school, he also doesn't seem to know that it's not cool (in first grade) to be excited about things like stars and jellyfish. Then, last year we found out that the other kids in his class were teasing him- calling him "too small" or "too bony" to play in games. The classroom is huge (30 kids) and the teacher flat out told me that she wouldn't be able to prevent this and that I would need to teach my son how to cope with bullying. At 6 years old.

So to my own disappointment- I have been. I taught him how to make light of people's mean jokes and how to laugh at himself and how to -when nothing else worked- even tease back. 

Public school is teaching him one thing as far as I can tell- how to be a jerk.

I find myself considering homeschooling... yes in part because my son is being teased at school and I do not know how to break that cycle without real and substantial help from the staff (which is not coming!) but also, last night we made jam.

I know, it's not a big deal, but we learned about pectin and natural pectin and percentages and fractions and after we made the jam, he at more waffles this morning than I have ever seen him eat because he was proud of his jam. And I was proud of him. Proud of him in a way that seeing him do repetitive worksheets will never make me. Proud of how he started to immediately integrate his knowledge and ask about making other kinds of jam, sharing jam with other people, getting out to the farm to pick more berries and so on.
He was actually excited, actually learning. No social games, no fights over getting work done, no procrastination or loss of interest.

Could I do this every day? Could I keep him home and around and still find ways for him to be engaged with same age peers? 


I think so. I think I'd like to try. 

So, now just to convince his father.

This week we are learning about health. Both the kids are sick, they are both exhausted and I think I'm about to lose it.

Because I've been puked on six times in two days (yes, I'm counting).
Because the little one is not quite able to verbalize what's bothering her, so it's everything- being held, not being held, watching a show, not watching a show, going outside, going back inside and everything in between. You get the idea.

It all started on a plane several days ago. The plane was- as they all are these days- overfull and me and the kiddos were in our own little 3-seats-in-a-row cocoon. I washed their hands compulsively, I washed my own hands. I asked for the whole can of ginger ale and cleaned the top. I used sani-wipes to clean off every hard surface I thought they could reach and several that I'm sure they couldn't - just to be sure.

Now, generally speaking, I am not this much of a freak about germs. In fact, I'm probably more  lackadaisical than I should be, but this event was important- my dear aunt's wedding. I did not want to be sick and  more than that, I did not want the kids (flower girl and ring bearer respectively) to be sick. I wanted them to enjoy their time with their aunt, I wanted them to be able to be in the ceremony.

And we made it- the flights were all delayed and Little Mr. ran like a champ to get to our next flight while Little Ms. held on for dear life as I hauled her and three carry on's running across two airports. They were so excited when we got to our hotel room (the first ever!) and found two beds and a TV and downstairs a pool! They nearly went to bed in their swimsuits before I convinced them that we should get breakfast before a long swim in the morning.

Two days later we were at the wedding which was lovely. The flowers were huge, the kids were dressed to perfection and even I look awake and smiley in all the photos. They were soo well behaved at the formal (eek!) reception, saying please and thank you and not even poking each other with forks at all.

I cut our time at the reception short, figuring it would be best not to push our luck, and we went back to the hotel and the pool! It was right then that I knew something was wrong.

"Mama, Ms. and I want to lay down for a minute before we go swimming".
"Yeah, Mama, I'm so sleepy".

Crap.

These kids *never* turn down swimming. For sleep? Something was wrong.

I went into sick mode right away, getting everyone little cups of water, into pajamas, cozied up with blankets and I called the front desk.

"Do you have children's Tylenol by any chance?"
Sweet mother, they had Tylenol, Advil, Benadryl and thermometers. Holiday Inn Express, I love you.

Now, let the long night begin.

I had a mentor tell me- years ago, pre-children for me- that love was not the crazy butterfly feelings that you get when you meet someone new. Love was holding someone when they had just puked. In your bed. At 3 in the morning. Again.

And so I practiced love all night in the hotel, and the next day and the next. Our vacation pretty much became getting them to the pool once a day for fifteen minutes, just so they (and I) didn't go crazy in the same small room. (And I figured the chlorine killed all the germs, right?)

I nurtured back to health just enough to get on a plane- sorry fellow passengers- but yes, we are back home and they are still sick. We are on day eight. They've been able to keep enough down to be safe, but not enough to feel like doing anything. Poor kids are bored of TV, bored of sleep, bored of being sick.

So I entertain with crazy dance parties, where I dance by myself in tutus and silly hats. I had a friend bring over new markers and new coloring books. I line up six videos on you tube and  the kids decide whether the cat falling off the couch or the panda baby sneezing is funnier. I read Harry Potter until my throat is sore and I hold hands and heads and feet and little hot and sore bodies for hours. 

So, yes, I am looking forward to the break tonight when their dad has them, but I already miss them because there is something about working so hard for a laugh from a sick kid, you just want to be there when they finally have the energy to smile.

Just breathe

Heading into the summer, I find that I am a single mother.

Whoa. When did I get here?

Sometimes life just moves so fast and it's changed before you even know it. One minute you're someone's most favorite person in the world. The next?

Well, you can still be my favorite person. And you are.